Fifty Shades of BDSM Relationships

50 Shades of BDSM Relationships

Fifty shades of Grey. We’ve all heard of it. Chances are you’ve probably read the books – even if you won’t admit it. If you haven’t read the books, you most likely watched the movie. You may tell people your girlfriend forced you to watch it, but let’s be real Jimmy, you were intrigued. And rightfully so. The world of BDSM relationships is a fascinating one. If you don’t have any experience with BDSM, it can seem intimidating. But the truth is, E.L James didn’t make it all up. Sure, Ana and Christian are fictional characters, but the underlying dominant and submissive tones of their relationship and how that carries over to the bedroom is a very real thing.

The final chapter in the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy is hitting theaters on February 9, and with the release of the trailer and soundtrack, the world of Christian and Ana is once again a hot topic in popular culture. If you’re planning on spicing things up this Valentine’s Day and taking your loved one to the movies, you may get some ideas of your own. If Fifty Shades Freed inspires you to try new things in the bedroom, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about! At besafemeds, we’re all for sexual exploration – as long as your safe.

So, if you’ve decided you might want to incorporate some BDSM aspects into your relationship, it’s important to first educate yourself by understanding what BDSM is.

The Fifty Shades of Grey Phenomenon

Before we dive into the basics of BDSM, let’s give a quick recap on the books (and subsequent movies) that brought a once “taboo” topic into the limelight. The Fifty Shades of Grey series was written by E.L James, as an erotica novel from the perspective of college student Anastasia Steele, who is a virgin in the beginning of the series. She meets and interviews billionaire Christian Grey for a writing assignment. From the moment Ana and Christian meet, she is smitten with him. It doesn’t take long for Christian to sweep Ana off her feet, showering her in expensive gifts. Christian is single for a reason though, he’s really into BDSM relationships, and wants Ana to play the submissive to his dominant – something she’s never even considered before. At first she is overwhelmed, but over time she comes to understand the sexual gratification that a dominant/submissive relationship can provide. Throughout the course of the trilogy, the two explore the world of BDSM and everything that comes with it.

The Basics of BDSM

So, what exactly is BDSM? BDSM stands for Bondage & Discipline, Domination & Submission, and Sadism & Masochism. According to beforeplay.org, BDSM elements are “among the most common fetishes in the world.” The concept of domination and submission is “based on having power over someone or giving up power to experience a unique sexual high.” There is definitely a scale, from tamer activities like having your hands held down or tied during sex, to more intense activities with an entire playroom dedicated to indulging in your deepest and darkest fantasies.

According to an OKCupid article, “Kink is more popular than you think.” Of 400,000 OkCupid users polled, 75% of men and over 60% of women like rough sex, and over 60% of men and 50% of women are into bondage. Since Fifty Shades of Gray premiered, the number of men and women who enjoy bondage has increased drastically.

Why are people drawn to the concept of BDSM relationships? In an interview with Marie Claire, dominatrix Mona Rogers explained the appeal of BDSM. Mona said “there are a lot of neurological processes that happen in the body when you’re aroused.” Rogers continued to elaborate that everyone likes pain a different way, some find it pleasurable and it’s like a kind of spiritual feeling, while for some it’s just a release type of feeling. For others it could be a sexual thing, but Rogers claims that ‘BDSM and sex are not necessarily synonymous’.

In BDSM relationships, the risk of contracting STDs is higher because the thought of safe sex is often thrown out the window. Partners become so involved in pleasuring each other and may forget basic safe sex practices, such as using condoms and cleaning sex toys and equipment. Whether you’re in a BDSM relationship or not, you should always engage in safe sex.

Being STD free doesn’t mean you have to stifle your kinks, you just have to be smart about it. If you engage in a dominant/submissive relationship with your partner, check out our tips for safe and healthy sex below.

Tips for a Healthy BDSM Relationship

  • Learn to say and be okay with the word ‘no’.
  • Trust your partner and talk about your sexual history with before engaging in sex.
  • Discuss interests, pleasures, perceived needs, etc.
  • Don’t share your sex toys. Use different toys for different partners, that way you don’t spread and share any diseases.
  • Steer clear of cuts, open sores, and wounds, as bodily fluids could get into the open spots, leading to possible infection.
  • If you are using your fingers for any sexual play, make sure everything is clean, and be sure to use a finger that doesn’t have a cut or sore on it. If you have sharp or long nails, you might want to use latex gloves to avoid any possible cuts or tears that could expose the body to STIs/STDs.
  • Make sure everything you use is clean and sanitized. It’s better to be safe than sorry when it comes to cleaning your sex toys.

Above all, always practice safe sex. In BDSM,  it really comes down to trusting your partner, communicating with your partner, and coming up with a safe word, other than the word ‘no,’ to indicate it’s time to take a step back.

As always, besafemeds is here for whatever happens. If you get caught up in the post Fifty Shades Freed Valentine’s Day celebration and realize you may have contracted an STD, we can help. Besafemeds is committed to providing discreet online STD treatment. Simply fill out our diagnostic form with your symptoms and a licensed doctor or nurse practitioner will call you to discuss your diagnosis.

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